Today, I didn't go to school
I got woken up at 5am, due to girl.. pains
Hurt crazy crazy bad, woke everyone else up
Even cried.. stupid..

Oh well, so I slept til midday and did nothing after

I have an exam at 4:30......

I was thinking..
My friend said I treat him like a little boy
And he'd get angry/annoyed when I do
But I.. don't?
I hate it when I don't know the problem
So I can't fix it

Now, I feel so awkward and unhappy

Need to take a pill, so I don't die in pain in the exam

3:16am
Why is life this way?
Feeling so fucking empty at the moment
Noone to depend on
Noone to share thoughts with
Noone to share pain and happiness with
What I'm afraid of most

Even starting to physically hurt myself again

I'm sorry for everything I've done
Please just give me my life back
The life I had only less than a month ago

Please?

So, nothing much has happened recently.. I watched an interview with Bob Hawkes on ABC1 last night. His words are really wise, I should've taped it, or something.

Also, I have really extreme moodswings. Have to do my scheduled tasks now!

A: This smells soo good >_< I can relax~~~
B: ..........

I can't describe how I feel at the moment. I just want to do somthing to vent everything that's inside me. Too bad I don't have the tools to make myself feel better at the moment.

I can't stand this feeling. I feel like I'm going to go insane.

Why WHY THE FUCK am I like this?

Anyway, Happy 19 months, Jan~

I just turned my computer back on to type this. I'm blind. The keyboard is a big blur, the screen is another blur. Let's see how my typing skills are, yeah? I'll find out tomorrow.

Hope that I can get to sleep. Last night didn't sleep til 3 hours after I got into bed.

BY THE WAY. WHY DO I HAVE TO FIND THINGs OUT THIS WAY? I'M ASKING YOU, GUY WHO'S IN THAILAND. I THOUGHT WE SHARED EVERYTHING. INSTEAD, I FELT LIK E A RETARD., GOING THROUGH EMBARRaSSING WAYS. TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU. There's a reason I'm like this, after all. Bingo.

I am really STUPID.


(TT______TT)

hello there~

It's 1-something am and I'm bored.. kinda used to sleeping at 2am these days, so I don't really want to get ready to sleep until then. Have about 5 tuition homework booklets and two Biology Independent Trial papers in front of me that I've yet to finish. Why the hell am I complaining about boredom when there's work to do?!! I'm so not motivated and extremely lazy.....

At about 1-2pm in the afternoon, I'm always thinking I have so much time until I have to sleep! I have so much time to do work.. but I never do anything by the end of the day. @@ So good at procrastinating, seriously.

Mm.. anyway, it's really strange.. even when I get enough sleep, but I'm always tired. I'd always want to fall asleep while watching TV at about 4-5 in the afternoon. Is it because of low blood pressure? Does is affect people that much?!

Jan is neglecting me at the moment. No msn replies, no sms replies, and I don't know where the cordless phone is.. don't want to go looking for it downstairs (so DARK), so I cannot call, also. Mmm.. he's probably picking up some girl at some dodgy place at the moment. pppfffssss

&@;#*I'm so frustrated! =.= Maybe the result of staying home all day for 2 days in a row now. I should go out tomorrow, force myself to visit tuition to hand in homeworks.. then go shopping.. walk around.. do SOMETHING. And shall be out thursday too, I think. In some ways, I can't wait until November/December; hopefully the direction I'll be heading will be clear by then. I just want to start another section of my life and leave this one behind. Nothing's going to change until then, and if there is a change, it'd be for the worse. WANT TO FORWARD WIND!

Jan's still neglecting me.

LALALAA.. oh my god. I NEED TO CLEAN MY ROOM/COMPUTER DESK. I've been telling myself to do it for over a week, attempted a couple of times.. I have to do it. I can't even sleep in my room anymore, I feel so.. caustraphobic, and the mess makes my mind feel cluttered. So now I sleep on a super comfy sofa in front of TV. Hahahaha.. but it's comfortable!

What else do I need to do. Oh been telling myself to place in an order for clothes online, too. On that note, have to pay Annie back for clothing ordered on Zipia a couple of weeks back. Probably envelope it into her mailbox to her mum or something... after I tell her! Have to do that before holidays end, too.. or during trials.. something..

My contacts are drying up, from staring at the computer screen. I hate it, so annoying.

I wish I were more organised, and I think I've lost my amazing willpower that I used to have. I wish I had that now too. Must get it back, soon.. somehow.

So so so so sleeptime soon, tomorrow (today?) I must:
1. Wake up somewhat early, might prevent strange dreams
2. Place in order for clothing
3. Do chemistry homework
4. GO OUT
5. Clean room/desk/floor!
6. Photocopy and do Biology trial papers

Do-able. So I better do it.

Mm.. hope today will be a better day than yesterday.

Retarded random and messy post. You're probably really bored if you're still reading..

Goodnight then

Taking a risk is often your first step towards success.

If you don't take some risks, you won't get the chance to succeed.
While you are trying, you are winning.

The law of averages is on your side.
The more you try, the greater your chance of succeeding.
Never get discouraged.

Every wrong attempt is another step forward.
People that make no mistakes usually don't make anything.

Make up your mind not merely to overcome a thousand obstacles,
but to win in spite of a thousand defeats.

Your mistakes are stepping stones to success and
your installment payments to victory.

You can't be a winner and be afraid to lose