Wow I've been blogging everyday.. I guess it's because I have noone to talk to.. and nothing to do when not studying... which is quite often.

I'm annoyed at about 100 things about myself at the moment. I was just typing them all out in an attempt to sort out my thoughts out manually, but I was up to about 15 and then I gave up.. while trying to put one of them into words. I guess I wouldn't've typed all of it truthfully anyway, because I'm sure some of things I'm annoyed at would sound too stupid and embarrassing to reveal.

So/Also, I'm getting into this uncontrollable habit again. This stupid OCD I had is coming back to me. It's really crazy. I don't even want to describe what it's like because it'll sound.. REALLY wierd. It's sooo annoying, and my mind can't fight it away. I have to somehow forget about it. I think it started in year 3-4 years ago. It makes my head hurt from thinking, thinking, thinking. I thought I completely got over it, until now.
FUCKING HELLLLLL.

I used to write books and books of useless things before. I read some of it when I (thought) I was over it, and they sounded so...... gah, so retarded. I chucked them all out. (*#&@*&#(*@73

I'm starting to get insomnia, too.

MY HEAD HURTS.

AHHHH! I just want to be happy....

I'LL BE ALRIGHT!

Have to clean my room and computer desk, all these notes/paper/books everywhere.. so hard to sort because some things don't have dates on them. Now I need to blowdry Mimi.

Okay, I'm really screwed up. I hate myself so so so much.

Why is it that you're never there for me?
You never even make an effort to be there for me
It's one of the few things that I can't get myself to get used to..

I'm just not strong enough

I'm webcamming with Jan at the moment. Gah, I miss him so much!

HEHEHE <3 Sigh, I feel like a little girl..... Well, I'm going to sleep now. So tired.. and I guess I need to study hard tomorrow!

Goodnight!

I'll just keep telling myself that I'll be alright.

I feel.. that everything is pointless
that everything is so bland, and life is rather not worth all this trouble
I feel like.. I can't be bothered with anything
I feel.. empty cold and so alone..
and so helpless..

I would love to turn back time and pause..

I haven't felt this properly for so long.. more than a year or so.... and I'm not used to it anymore.....

FUCKKK.

Apparantly, it might be just withdrawal symptoms.. Jan is on the plane at the moment about 7.5 hours away from me.. and I've been staring at his photo all day.. knowing I won't see him for many weeks.. like some love sick retard

I really don't know

I can't concentrate on anything at the moment

FUCKING HELLWHATTHEFUCK is wrong with people these days!?!! SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.. fucking pissed off.. cannot live this way man.. I just want to AHH! this is what fucking happens when you are used to depending on someone.. when they're not there for you for some reason, you are forced to deal with everything by yourself.. and in my case, survival rate is slim

hello people!

long time no post on my blog..... hope everyone's cheerful these days! ^^

nothing much has been happening I guess.. I got sick for the 3rd time this year, with the flu instead of the cold this time, though.. and other than that I've just been schooling.....

it is very boring and very very very tiring, waking up in the morning is very hard.. and also, my body has been feeling weak all the time

I looked in my diary today, and I think I broke all my new year resolutions for this year.. and I thought they were pretty easily achievable....... sigh I am very bad aren't I..

ahh.. anyway.. I don't have much to say, maybe blog again soon!

sorry for the pathetic update

night <3

with every single person supporting you.. and caring for you..
loving you..

have you ever felt that the only person who wasn't on your side, was yourself?