Thinking of the good things, reminded of the bad, sick of feeling tired, of feeling so sad. My past has destroyed me, emotions always running high, living on fake smiles, the tears I cry. Breathing for nothing, only to stay alive, dragging myself along, just to survive. All seems pointless, don't know where to go, this perfect happy act, was always for show.

Trying for nothing, never find my way, nobody will let me be me, always have something to say. Always held back, from moving one step on, feeling so weak, forever seem to do wrong. Just wanna be myself, and try to find my place, I'm hating my make up, can't recognise my own face. Don't feel that I belong, can't describe how I feel inside, just one single night..
And my soul died.

I'm tired of breathing, don't wanna remember before

But it's all fading......
I can't do it anymore

WHAT THE FUUCCCKK.
AND YOU FUCKING EXPECT ME TO FUCKING GO HOME EVERY NIGHT
YOU FUCKING THINK I WANT TO COME BACK TO THIS KIND OF SHIT AT THE END OF A DAY?!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU DIG OUT YOUR FUCKING REASONS. YOUR FUCKING EXCUSES.
YOUR ARGUMENTS MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE AT ALL.
FUCK YOU.
YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE.
AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO RUIN MY OWN LIFE.
FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY.

Even when I look deep into your eyes,
I really can't see it in you....


And that's what scares me.

Sweetie,

Please be safe and have lots of fun, okay?
And I will be here waiting for you to come back.
I am missing you......

I feel alone and empty..
Even though we're far apart
Send my love with all my heart
When you miss me at night
Look at the stars shining bright

For the times you pulled me though
All the things I do for you
Running tears from my eyes
Thinking how I will survive the next goodbye..

I spent almost 12 hours of today in the ED of Westmead Hospital today.. -_-;

Thankyou to:
* Jan's dad who waited for him waiting for me waiting for this doctor..
* The ambulance people/doctors/nurses (except for the "triage nurse".. who was a bitch)
* Max & Rosie who called to talk to me <3
* Melinda who called to talk to me <3
* Parents......... for I don't know.. picking me up.. bringing me food....

&& especially to JanJan who waited for me, and stayed with me for the whole entire time.. through the frustrations of talking to people both of us didn't really want to talk to, and waiting for extended periods of time.. I'm so sorry! ;_;

The most unexpected turn-out of a day.

12th May 2007

Went to tuition and finished at 12pm, then trained home, talking to Sophie on the train; she was going to work (:

Stayed home for a couple of hours, then went to meet Jan at Westmead station ^__^ and we trained to city and took Purikura at Capitol, last time taking was on NYE.. so long ago!

Went to eat at Sakae.. haven't been there to eat for a very long time, too. So yummy!*love* Then we went to buy alcohol, and went to KMix to sing and drink..... <3

Sat around and Hyde Park, and around there, just talking. Such a nice, peaceful and pretty atmosphere. Then went back to Chinatown, see retarded people. We bummed at our usual place, then JanJan drove me home later. Got home at 3am-ish ;_;

Anyway, that was a really brief recount =_=;

I had a really good day, thankyou JanJan!
Happy 五月 Sweetie!

He wrote 5 month on our teardrops picture.. =_=;

RAH! I've been away from school twice this week, including today.. good? bad? I duno ^__^

I've been sick since last Saturday night, too! A cycle of sneezing fits, coughing, sore throat, blocked nose, headache-ing >_<
STUDYING CHEM TODAY.
YUUUUUUP.
I WANT TO HEAR HIS VOICE T_T

It's 10:30 and he's still sleeping, he never sleeps until 10:30! ;_; why is he so tired??..... we slept so early last night~

: D : D covers all the right places.