I cannot change what has happened in the past,
but I can change the future..

Is it too late?
They say that it is "better late than never",
but, in reality, too late is the same as never.

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.

I still feel your touch in my dreams.

Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why

Without you it's hard to survive.

random picture of my piano I found in the folder named: 21st January 2006

I hate it all,
but I can't stop it happening to me.
I don't know how long this is going to continue for..

I hope there will be a time, when it is all over, and I can genuinely smile again.

and I completed my 5th and last day of work experience! ^__^ It was a really interesting and really fun week, I really liked it, and the staff were really really nice..

oh, and also, I'll be learning piano alone from now on..

how can I explain what has happened in the last 5 days or so? I guess I'll briefly summarise what happened (in dot points & pictures), and the rest of it - including emotions - can stay with the people who were involved or who were witnesses..

SUNDAY
* leave to Chatswood at 7:30am
* take creative photos
* while Annie & Wyntane talked, I was at TZ talking to Josh
* meet Burton
* die in park

MONDAY
* work experience Day 1
* bracelet & engraving
* go to Annie's place..

TUESDAY
* Annie leave to go far far away.. )*:
* work experience Day 2
* NSB formal at L'Aqua (rotfl so many NSGs there.. but I bet you less than 10 NSBs going to be at our formal)
* city alone, then with people, then alone again, then with Anna Choi ^__^

TODAY
* work experience Day 3
* got a visit from the Careers' Advisor (haha)

it feels like so much has happened..

hi I'm at Annie's place, timetable!!

Start 9pm

1. Watch 'Crying Out of Love in the Centre of the World'
2. Annie makes boyfriend a, or several smoothie (you can guess what that means (; )
3. Finish yin
4. Take photos
5. Go across the road to Fort St High & do what lovers' do ^3^
6. Decorate xiang zi
7. Curl hair & wash hair
8. Think of what ro write on Annie's goodbye notes T^T
9. and etc.

Finish 6am & go to Chatswood

goodbye people (*:

and when I thought my life was losing vividness, I came face-to-face with yet another *insert appropriate adjective here* situation..

I'll miss you very very much,

Annie!

It's been a long day.. maybe I'll blog about it later

(for last saturday..)

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO ELAINE!

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO VIVO!

(and today..)

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO RACHEL!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO SHELIA!

(and in an hour..)

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO HANA!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO CHRISSY!

there are way too many birthdays to not post them up, wish for 6 sweet girls to have a very very good year! ^___^

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
- Take the Personality Disorder Test - - Personality Disorder Info -

*****
a quiz that I've seen around a couple of friends' blogs eg. Shelley and the JELMS, so I decided to do it as well (:

oh, and..

MATHS, HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY.

basically FINISHED with having the slightest preparation for only the History paper.. haha and that was for a couple of hours last night, with Steven for a bit of company ^___^

ENGLISH, SCIENCE,

ahh everything's not going too well at the moment

and what made it much much worse, is that the music assignment is due tomorrow and I only got informed TODAY (was absent last lesson when they confirmed the date)............. WTG I'm not doing it tonight but I don't want to face the teacher tomorrow.. I don't like talking to teachers T_T but I still have the music test to study for!

from next week until the end of this term:
WEEK 5 - school certificate exams
WEEK 6 - work experience
WEEK 7 - formal
WEEK 8 - yr10 peer support camp
WEEK 9 - 2nd last week of school
WEEK 10 - last week of school + presentation day

I really really can't wait until the summer holidays, I don't want to do ANY of the things that are on in the next several weeks.. %*$#!?? NO CAMP, NO FORMAL, NO SC EXAMS NO WORK EXPERIENCE fuck I don't want any of it..

and recently, many people have been disturbing me a lot more.. I am just a thing that exists, I do not disturb your life, so please don't disturb mine..
I just want to be HAPPY.. and I am happier being by myself, so please just leave me alone..

sometimes I get so stressed out and anxious about very useless things..

ai, but I hope it all goes well..

thankyou to the people who keep having to listen to me (:

*****
random pictures, do you remember LSE?
apparantly he's gone to the army for 2 years, since a few days ago...
hope he takes care!

1. Spell your first name backwards: ysiad
2. The story behind your msn user name: ?? I can make it a very long story.. but I don't think when I typed it, that there was much in mind..

DESCRIBE YOUR..
1. Wallet: at the moment using this little coin purse that Aya gave me ^__^ it is green and blue with pink and red patterns inside, and it fits all my cards and shit as well as money
2. Hairbrush: purple.. I've had it as long as I remember..
3. Toothbrush: red & blue
4. Jewelry worn daily: earrings
5. Pillow cover: I have 3 pillows haha.. main one is red & black with bears on it
6. Blanket: light green and another one with many colours..
7. Coffee cup: don't really have one
8. Sunglasses: don't wear sunglasses, but I should
9. Underwear: uh it's white
10. Shoes: which pair?..
11. Handbag: which one? these questions so.. ai
12. Favorite top: don't really have one, I really like baggy T-shirts haha
13. CD in stereo right now: CD? I don't know.. one of my dad's cds.. but I'm listening to
14. Tattoos: I don't have any.. and too scared to ever get any.. but what would you want imprinted on your skin forever?!

RIGHT NOW
1. What are you wearing: light blue long sleeve top and a red (with checkered pattern) cotton dress thing over it.. sounds weird lol
2. In my head: I feel shit
3. Wishing:
4. After this: do some work
5. Talking to: on msn? Jeff, JanJan and Jason (so many Js o_o)
6. Eating: nothing

WHO/WHAT
1. Fetishes: don't know
2. Person you wish you could see right now: haha
3. Is next to you: dad's laptop, printer, paper, light..
4. Some of your favorite movies: don't know
5. Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month: December? well, the start of the summer holidays..
6. The last thing you ate: dinner
7. Something that you are deathly afraid of: yes, HSC.. haha, umm I don't know..

LIKES
1. Do you like candles: yeah why not?
2. Do you like hot wax: eh?
3. Do you like being dragged out into the street and shot? - ehh no?
4. Do you like incense: it's okay
5. Do you like the taste of blood: it's okay
6. Do you believe in love: yeah
7. Do you believe in soulmates: until someone proves me wrong
8. Do you believe in love at first sight: no..
9. Do you believe in forgiveness: yeah

RANDOM
1. What do you want done with your body when you die? don't know
2. Who is your worst enemy: haha, I don't really hate anyone.. but some people hate me haha
3. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? I've always loved puppies.. always puppies I guess..
4. What is the latest you've ever stayed up: no sleep at all?
5. Ever been to Belgium: nope
6. Can you eat with chopsticks: yup
7. What's your favorite coin: 2 dollar (:
8. What are some of your favorite pig out foods: don't know
9. What's something that you wish people would understand: why I think the way I do.. (or do I really wish they'd understand?)
10. What's something you wish you could understand better: myself
11. Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? yes
12. Anyone you still like: don't know
13. Do you have a crush on anyone: don't know

haha, I can't be bothered to think of some answers to questions at the moment, very boring quiz.. maybe I will leave it up on my blog for a day or 2, then take it off and leave as a draft..

Too many regrets...