Wednesday and Thursday, 27th and 28th of September

yesterdayy school was normal~ boringness.. after school I went home and cleaned up a little, then Annie came over, and we ate vietnamese food yumyum~

mm, just played on computer and had a very nice Microsoft Office WORD conversation haha, drink coffee that Annie made *smiles and just sit/sleep in bed in the guest room and talked lots and lots until 3-4am! then we sleeeeeep for a few hrss.. and wake up for schoool.............. exciting !! *coughs

soo catch the train with Annie to NS, and then she leave, and I went to school. had commerce 1st period, just did crossword in class -_-; 2nd period went to the gym to watch yr12s do their imitations of each grade and give presents to each faculty; the yr12s' farewell to the school ^___^ recess, then had english 3rd period where we just analysed poems in groups and presented to the class.. andd then after lunch and stuff had another yr12 assembly thing in the gym! the school's' farewell to yr12.. there was lots of clapping, cheering and tears.. T__T

then the yellow brick road.. so sad, but luckily I don't know many people in yr12 this year.. otherwise it would've been aiyaa.. OMG I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO SURVIVE NEXT YEAR.. I know so so many yr11s.. *sighs

time passes by so quickly, it flies.. I remember last years' yr12's last day and the year before so well.. what the hell, it's so fucking scary.. life is so fucking scary...........

ANYWAY ANYWAY ANYWAY (let's try not to think about that) after school I just travel to city with Jenny, and Hana.. and we went to woolworths to buy food.. haha, mm then Hana and I went to townhall, I met up with Aya, and Hana left..

Aya and I went looking around in shops, and just ate ice-cream (: mm.. and yeah.. and she brought me a late birthday present! thankyou heaps! but ai.. wth! you shouldn't've gotten anything for me!

Aya, you're so innocent and so adorable, love you! I don't think I know any other person your age that is as innocent and sweet as you! ^___^

then I just went home, and had dinner and stuff.. mm!

SHAPE OF MY HEART - Backstreet Boys

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother
If every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become
Oh yeah

Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Sadness is beautiful
Loneliness is tragical
So help me I can't win this war
Oh no
Touch me now don't bother
If every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become

Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
I'm looking back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
Keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone (trying to be someone)
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart (Now let me show you the true shape of my heart)
Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart

(:

there isn't much I can do to stop it from happening

if I become blind, who will be my eyes?

It is not possible for it to get better, I can only hope it will not get worse..
I pray every night, I pray for it to stop..

-----
you can't have everything

Magic.

You came to me like magic.
Destiny.

No, it was rather destiny.
Love.

To someone who knew nothing of love.
Joy.

You, who awakened me to love’s happiness and joy.
Tear.

There were times when you made me cry.
Heart.

There were times when my heart ached.
Soul.

But my soul was always yours.
Trust.

I believe this is the true reason for me to live on.
Forever.

I will walk with you forever..

mm yesterday was bludgy day.. I don't remember doing anything at school, really. when prefect induction was on during 4th & 5th period, Melinda, Annie and I went and sat at the stairs outside C block that no one use anymore cos it leads nowhere (used to lead to library when the old library was there).. yeah sit around do crossword, sudoku, draw on self.. lols

then the people go let out at 2:45pm? so we all leave.. went to Chatswood with Melindaa.. walk around, eat.. then Mel went home and I meet Leslie.. we sit around (: go to bridge.. talk to Leslie friends? I don't know.. play funny percussion drums at tz and then go home..

do some PD, and play cam with Yifan ^___^

[edit 10pm] deleted* aww the lucky people who saw them lols [/edit]

yucky pictures but only take one screenshot for blog lols then get lazy and cbb

anyway.. today work up early early.. to go to school for PD aiya.. and I left my phone at home! remembered later had to call Yifan to wake him, but couldn't call ): fuckk.. sorry lu

PD presentations all of year10 whole day in the gym, very bludgy because there were quite a few technical difficulties halfway.. we did our presentation, then Annie and I left school.. go city play games.. then I went to ortho appointment in Burwood-- painful, 3 more metal rings o_o; then go home!!

I want to go shopping, I want to go to Taiwan! *looks at Taiwanese flag above piano ):

the last week was a cooling down period, life was getting back on track and everything was OKAY..

just this afternoon, it all fucked up again; I am so FRUSTRATED..

*!*&#!(DNAS+%H!4 OH AND I HATE MY PARENTS...... fuckk

EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF MAKES ME ANGRY, AND THE WAY EVERYTHING SEEMS TO ANNOY ME AT THE MOMENT..

ALSO, I have a headache, and the ground has constantly moved under my feet, trying to knock me off-balance.. I'm going to see the doctor this Saturday about my headspins and how the colours I see around me change; sometimes darker sometimes lighter.. I wonder if there's anything wrong..

I have so much work to do tonight, too.. *sighs

they never fail make sure that they kill my happy mood by the end of every single day..

..ILLOGICAL, NARROW-MINDED people who can never admit they are wrong, even when it is explained to them that they ARE indeed erroneous

my hair is waaaayyy tooo fucking layered now..

I LOOK WAY TOOOO FUCKING FOBBY.. I feel like I do not belong in Sydney!! *cries

I LOST SOOOO MUCH HAIR (should've taken a picture of the pile lols) D: and there wasn't even THAT much to begin with.. lols.. my hair was pretty layered before, too..

I feel like I made a mistake telling the stupid fob guy to cut off as much of the bleached yellow as he can.. aiya.. okay I want the next few months to fly.. I want my hair to grow back ):

*#$%!@H&Js!AM$Kds)!33

english exam was of ambiguous character; some of the questions definately had 2 answers, or NO answers (maybe I'm just stupid).. ahh.. was okays I guess -- and computing was relatively easy.. omg I can't believe starting from this year, COMPUTER STUDIES (?) is a mandatory subject tested in the school ceritificate ): that's one extra exam for us '08ers this year..

left 1/2 hr early from the exam and travelled to chatswood with Wyntane.. just sat at mando centre with Anna Choi (why do I always type this girl's full name?) and some other willoughby GHS people.. talk talk chat chat~

Leslie then come and we just do nothingg.. and go home, talk at bridge (: I slept on the train.. it was uncomfortable but I was soo tired!

I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS ): 3months left.....

can I live up to what all of you expect of me? and will you all throw me away if I try, but I don't fulfil all those expectations?

-----

today school was.. I don't know.. I can't believe even school has become a desperate battle to control my emotions, every hour, instead of learning like I should be..

I am pathetic.

missed out on 4th and half of 5th period, had good talks mostly related to philosphy during that time.. didn't turn out too bad, and for that I'm grateful-- I swear necklace that I wore gave me luck (:

ANYWAY, Leslie picked me up from school and we went to city travelling from one eating place to another eating drinking eating, ended up me ordering and watch him eating, lols.. ahh then took me home, I can't thank you enough ^___^

I have my english yearly exam and computing comp tomorrow, wish me luck ):

a couple of unrelated, or only vaguely related things

I feel lost, in a sea of grey..
am I of any use? what is the use of being alive and breathing? I do not make good contributions to this world, to anyone..

I do not exist, but yet I do; I hate being in between.. why can't it be black or white? dead or alive? why I am in between, on the borderline?

-----

Saturday, 8 October 2005 4:00:09 AM
3:12am
Daisy...
sigh... why am i feeling so... so... so shit?
daisy is a girl that loves and cares for a lot of people
there is no evil in your soul or your heart.
though sometimes people dont feel the same way as u do, u keep on trying to change there mind.
you love to help people out and your always happy
keep on trying to make the whole world around u smile
n if it seems lyk there is nobody who cud luv u as much as u cud luv them, think again =)

I am a soul filled with bittersweet memories..
can I ask you, am I really what you said I was? why can't I see it? why does it seem like none of it relate to me now?

thankyou for last night, for showing me your past to help my future..
and sorry for the disconnection; I will explain later

-----

and music plays, echoing through the air..

-----

you care so much for me..
I'm sorry I let you down today, I feel so bad.. I am so selfish
the pain I'd have to go through is not worth as much as the time you put into me, to make sure I am okay
I didn't mean it
I'll try never to do it again
I deserved the lecture, the words that were spit onto me..
I don't know what to do if you ever decide to leave me..

------

for those who know about the other drama in my life at the moment; what do I do now?

Sometimes when I'm alone
I cry
Cause I am on my own

The tears I cry are bitter and warm
They flow with life but take no form

I cry because my heart is torn
I find it difficult to carry on

If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend
but who do you know that stops that long
to help another carry on?

The world moves fast and it would rather pass by
Than to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad

And sometimes..
I cry
and no one cares about why

- by Tupac Shakur
-----
where from? I dono, sorry.. [edit] found who it's by and put it up there^ I didn't think he'd write that kinda stuff o_o [/edit]
It really has nothing to do with anything that's going on at the moment, but yeah
just want to share

heyss people (: let me tell you a bit about my weekend..

saturday was.. "eventful"
the first few hours was pretty depressing, then ended up going to sleep and forget about it.. wake up and it was raining; weather was pretty shit.. aiya, but went to the city at 12ish and bumped into Anna Choi at townhall and had a little talk haha, then Anna left, and I went to meet Leslie.. watched Silent Hill which was disgusting-- and full of suspence but no shock suprises, which is good (: it was just full of gruesome images.. lols.. Leslie was laughing through a lot of it, which made me laugh too d: mm.. walked around and etc

at 4-5something (damn my memory is shit) met up with Chrissy and went with her to CityHunter to meet Dwang, Roger, Steven and Aya.. hehe, stay there a little then go find Leslie again aiya poor boy all alone for a while, I'm very sorry.. mm, and then we hang arouund Chinatown hehe

at 6something went to pool hall to meet the people who were at CityHunter.. got kinda forced by Roger+the DOTA people to go to Michael's birthday dinner, on my birthday ): yeah, person I talked to the most there was probably Chrissy, haha you're so beautiful hehe, and HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY MICHAEL NGUYEN, thankyou for the food and cake! I hope you had a great one ^____^

and meet Leslie AGAIN, haha and he was with miss Anna Choi haha, talk talk then we go around.. some people stalked me T___T, then Leslie took me home (:

TODAY, went to the chinese school bball competition at St. Ives HS, met up with the chinese school people of last year-- Amy, Anita, Jeffrey, Michael and etc. haha did the same things as last year (: it was really nice seeing you guys again.. omfg how time flies! omg and in the competition there were randoms.. like some pretty old un-chinese people who don't even go to chinese school for sure it was.. ehh

after, go chatswood with Amy & meet Leslie (: do the usual, Amy and I ate food, WATCHED TV, and yeah.. when she left, I just went to Cha with Leslie, then he took me home, thankyou so much ^____^

yup, and that was a pretty brief recount, on my account.

ahh fucking school tomorrow fuckk ):

I am turning 16 in approximately 5mins >_< scary..

quick post I am hungry I want my dindin T___T

I have an IPT prelim exam tomorrow, and I'm going to fail miserably~ I am not going to even TOUCH my IPT textbook.. my attitude towards this subject is.. mm.. =_=; stupid boring IPT, why did I choose it anyway?! I think it's because at the end of year8, it sounded smart.. I think that's why everyone chose it, haha pfffs but now I know it's just stupid stupid stupidd..

reserves space* I'll come edit later! ^___^ I just needed to vent about IPT, now I WANT FOOOOOOOOOD <3

where is the happiness that supposedly lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried?

where is the happiness that supposedly lies for those who can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives?

fuck I am in pain, physical pain, AND I have so much on my mind..

I want it to end but I am afraid of dying, can that work? haha, not with my life-- unfortunate, eh? the problems never end..

today school was shit, nothing else to say..

after school I went to the city with Shelia, sat around.. initially waiting for Annie, but then she was in Chatswood, so.

after a bit, went to World Square to meet Roger to get something from him, which he ended up not wanting to give to me =_= aiya.. just sat on the seats outside Miracle there talking a bit, blah blah, stomach was DYING by then.. so I walk to the station feeling shit.. and Roger left..

walking onto platform at townhall.. and then who pops out of nowhere? Leslie ^___^ ahh.. *love yeah then he accompanied me to Westmead station, bumped into my mum =_=; then I go home!

-----
I walked past with my fingers crossed behind my back; secretly wishing..

you were not there and so I was convinced you were not around.. that's okay, I do not expect you to be around when I didn't even tell you where I was going.. I was only wishing for a coincidence.. because I wanted to see you

walking along, alone, studying the ground.. still wishing you were next to me..

then I hear your voice, I look up hoping my mind isn't playing tricks on me.. and there you are..

you're like an angel, watching over me..

good morning!

a pretty nice day.. the weather is getting nicer every day.. I want to forget about winter mann.. winter is not that nice here in Sydney =_=;

ah well, I should be going out.. but my body is in bad state at the moment;
* big big headache from nightmares (yeah it happens-- I think it's from that vivid nightmare I had this morning)
* weak from lack of food lols (Daisy has no appetite)
* swollen eyes
* swollen lip (nothing to do with anything really, one of my younger brothers jumped when I was leaning down to pick him up yesterday, and his head hit my mouth = blood&cuts from braces)

aiya.. oh wells ): Annie is coming to Parramatta Park to meet me in 2 hours or so instead *love
hehe damn I love my little Kino (:

might go to city anyway later for dinner with family..

yups.. I'm going to go and make myself to eat now (: the house is quiet cos noone's home.. ahh I love this feeling ^___^

good.. evening!

well, a relatively productive day compared to the last couple of days, I think..

what did I do?

woke up at 7am and trained it all the way to Chatswood and met Leslie, sat around for a few hours with Leslie, Burton and Norman. drinks at Cha (?) for another couple of hours

Leslie then walked Norman to school, and I played games with Burton, we then talked about certain aspects of life, which is really good, because I find it extremely hard to find someone who would talk to me about these kind of things-- and understand. thankyou for everything you talked to me about, it meant quite a bit to me..

went to cityy with Leslie.. meet Genki.. blah blah the usual, then Elmo came; I haven't seen him for at least 1 year.. nice to see you again ^___^ and we did usuals.. and then they made paper aeroplanes, paper hearts haha very cute! just looked on and smiled..

and go home

today is another new beginning, and I really really hope it will be a good one. I am going to take the advice, try taking a 'risk', open up and let go-- just a little.

01/09/06, the first day of spring..

perfect.