selfish

selfishly, adverb. selfishness, noun.
/'selfish/
adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself, one's welfare, interests, etc.
2. characterised by caring only for oneself: selfish motives.

blogging (:

so I spent the last 2 days trying to memorise my stupid history speech, but never bothered to TIME it.. the time limit: 4 minutes, my speech: 6 minutes 15 seconds WTH marks will be taken off for going overboard ): fuck history man.. ohh and while I was doing my speech, Jendo was timing, and when it got to a certain time, she tapped the table but I didn't know what she was doing and I looked at her and my mind went blank o_o; and paused for almost 10 seconds, then continued.. happened twice ): eurgh wth

ANYWAY now that is gone ^__^; school was okays, a lot of people were on the food tech excursion so teachers just made us watch videos, and do groupwork(talking) and whatnot.. I regret not doing food tech.. aigoo! they go on excursions to EAT =_= buffet..

after school just go home via city as usual.. but I was alone, but Daniel T called me.. so since I wasn't doing anything.. just met him and he bought me easyway ^__^ and I go home, I haven't seen him for almost a year, I think.. crazy how fast time passes

LEGACY COLLECTION DAY on friday = no school yay!

ehh I'm at home doing nothing, yeah I should be at school..

ANYWAY, TODAY:

In Daisy's Backyard..

Annie decides to yin. Opens up yin. Plastic flies awaaay into garden.

Annie and Daisy talk about stuff. They hear a "..." umm.. sound. =D.
They turn around and see a bird stealing the plastic.

Daisy: wth it's taking the plastic! We can't chuck it away anymore ..
Annie: Hahaha it's probably throwing it in the bin for us. So no worries.
Daisy: ...
Annie: It's probably the soul of...
Daisy: ...
Annie: ... who would chuck our rubbish away for us ??
Daisy: ... ... ... Leslie.

LOL. aiya.

still falling,

when I had thought I had reached rock bottom.

we laughed until we had to cry.. we loved right down to our last goodbye, but over the years.. we'll smile and recall.. for just one moment -- we had it all..

it's better for you; you are a wonderful person and I don't want to pull you down, burden you with my problems..

thankyou for everything you've done for me, everything we've shared-- I won't forget how well you treated me..

sorry about what I had to do, one day I think you will look back and thank me for doing this..

good-bye..

been a little while since I've last posted, much has happened; good and bad.

I can't remember extremely far back =_=; but hrms I went to RICE on saturday with different groups throughout the whole day, start with Vivo, Stef, Amanda (?) and etc then bumped into many old friends and caught up with them.. then lostie gor Jonathan finally came to meet me.. (: omg he said I looked sick, and I looked like a zombie T_T cos of my super yucky eye-bags.. aiyyaa.. but anyway, yeah, some people there tried to force me into believing in Christ.. ai.. mm, then when I was about to leave, bumped into Vicky and her friend Lucy.. walked to station and trained home, no city

but HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY DEMI ^_____^ hope you had a great party!

Sunday was normal, stayed home didn't do much, then had chem tutoring @ 2pm.. blah blah do some work then phone as usual, my day ended at approximately.. 3am (? I don't remember) on the phone with miss Yifan L (: haha, we had a good talk and then sleep.. I am so lucky to have him as a friend ^___^*

and TODAYYYY.. I had trouble waking up on time for school.. caught the 8:06am train and it was packed.. and the scariest thing happened, I don't know if it was coincidental or not.. aiya I cbb typing about it here luh.. =_= but yes, school as per usual, so boring-- then left early with Annie and we went to city to meet Genki and Leslie.. just sit around for a few hours then Leslie took me home on the super packed train, thankyou, so nice of you ^___^

haha and and KAITOloveKINO 1314 (: yes I do love you

hmm and maybe after HSC, I will leave to another country and create a new life.. hmm.. someone says it will be good for me, cos yes I have problems.. aish

-----
tonight:
- maths tutoring hwk
- commerce assignment due tomorrow (I haven't started T_T)

considering removing my cbox for many reasons, but atm we'll just see what happens

anyway.. too much has happened in the past several days.. and everything is kinda shit at the moment; socially, anti-socially (meaning.. ah I don't know) and work-wise.. my life is a fucking mess..

a major thing in my life so far had been resolved approximately a week ago, and that night, I was the happiest I'd been in a pretty long time, I was at rest, a heavy weight was lifted off me and I slept peacefully....... but then less than 2 days later, 5 problems found its way to my doorstep.. fuck.. AND THEY KEEP COMING

so, I don't know what to do..

umm, well here's a brief recount of what I did in the past couple of days until now:

Monday 14th: bludgy day at school from what I remember, played badminton with Nina (: ..but the evening was hectic ): I left my geography assignment until the last minute.. haha, thankyou to Roger, Vivo and Hana for helping me ^___^ I slept at 2:30am or so

Tuesday 15th: I left early and went to the city alone, walking around.. until Leslie came to meet me when I told him not to =_= and then Annie and Sarah came, we went to K for a bit where I gave my newly acquired painful throat some exercise, trust me-- it did not sound pretty.. then Sarah left with her boyfriend (omg they are so cute together ^___^) and Annie, Genki, Leslie and I hung around until I had to leave to tutoring at Stra.. Annie took me to Central station and Roger took me to tutoring.. it was a successful tutoring lesson, I learnt a lot (: yups, slept late..

[edit] omg I forgot to mention! at Central station, some guy was taking pictures of us with his massive camera o_o like wth.. Roger noticed first and started posing =_= then kinda got freaked, so the guy came over and was like "ahh you two looked so good when just naturally talking and leaning on the railing" or something like that, and yeah, so we just kept talking so he could take pictures -___-; so scary.. the clicking of the camera, mm, apparantly for it's for MX, so we might be in it one day lols d: hard for me to say if he was genuine or not.. but his camera looked expensive haha [/edit]

Wednesday 16th: HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY JENDO! I LOVE YOU! hehe ^_____^
I spent the morning at NS foodcourt with Hana drinking coffee, cranberry juice, and eating Hana's pumpkin bread (?) haha, then I sent her off, and I went to school.. after school just went home via city.. saw Roger

yup that's it, my thoat hurts so so much today.. I've been hanging around too many sick people.. aiya.. I find it very hard to swallow! and today people have been saying I look sick and pale ): *sighs AND MY EYE-BAGS ARE BLACK ): ewww..

hrm.. okays well that's it!

bye-bye

曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

只能陪你到這裡　畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情　還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景

到底該不該哭泣　想太多是我還是你
我很不服氣　也開始懷疑
眼前的人　是不是同一個　真實的你

＊曖昧讓人受盡委屈
　找不到相愛的證據
　何時該前進　何時該放棄
　連擁抱都沒有勇氣

　曖昧讓人變得貪心
　直到等待失去意義
　無奈我和你　寫不出結局
　放遺憾的美麗　停在這裡＊

Just wanted to share it with you..
Each and every phrase once spoke for me, it doesn't mean anything now (:

And to the person who triggered my thoughts, fuck you: _ _ _ _ _ _ _

ahhhhhh f'Shizzle damn geo and histo... gets 2 every1's heads eventually mm... feeling you girl =] spending the days hoping baby dont stress over tOo much over tOo many things at once yeh umm DIDO!?! everything sux balls but hey wat cn u do... tis is the life we all have to live...

ye neways... friday saw the guys: dwang, jerry, jack, mikael, vince, james, yang, stef aka. steeve, + random fob guy that went unsw... met up with all at cthunter la >_+ " how lame " you must be saying 2 urself... " uni punks going PC " but we cant help it people... i think of it this way... if DOTA n PC in general... culd b rolled up n smoked... it wuld b illegal... if i culd afford 2 spend a couple yrs of my time in China n go 2 a PC rehab clinic there i wuld go.... yes u read correctly... rehab PC clinics in China... China's attempt to get rid PC junkies with taxpayers money lol

WTFUPPACUT... OMGOOGLE talking 2 dwang atm ooo man i use 2 b such a weirdo >___< hahaha im 2 pussy to post it up here tho... just somfing i ringoed to Chrissy yonkers ago... i use 2 type n sound so gay.... im gona keep wat tiny bit of dignity i have left n shud up about it... moving on... after PC went Sakae agen... busy restaurant but somhow got 8 of us in... the krns left caus they r mummies boys n get spanked if they go home 2 late haha.. nana they had KFC already i think... yeh some ate some played big 2? iono randomly just started playing cards... manager came n told us off... ummm we somhow got a free dish caus the waitresses got confused so many of us werent eating n gave us a dish we didnt order

afterwards went Maloneys 2 act our age, lean against a wall n sip a burbourn while watching other people play pool, n jus basically try 2 look cool.... ended up not bothering tho... ended up in the pokies room... watching jerry the dodgy influence teach dwang how 2 gamble, steeve funded 5 dollars for the cause... the damn pokies machine played with all of us n kept us there for 30 minutes watching the money go up then down then up then eventualli -----> to 0 hahaha... a loud " awwww " was heard b4 we all climbed the stairs outside with slouched shoulders lol

yeye then home ! call Daisy talk till responsibly late then sleep... mmm today culdent b bothered doing jack... played an hr of piano... watched som tv... generally jus moved around my house pointlessly... which brings me 2 now...

~ byebye !

the truth is, I feel like a failure..

but over and over again, I tell myself
don't let today's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams..

I am alright I guess..

yesterday after school I went to Passionflower with Melody & Vanessa to eat ice-cream, the lychee was nice, but why does the green tea ice-cream there make me sick? ):

today, school was a bitch-- it was soooooo BORING.. I don't know what to do about school ;__; anyway, yeah AFTER.... went with Hana to city as usual, walked around.. then I went off to meet Roger and we walked around went looking in shops and he bought Aya's belated birthday present, it's pretty! ^___^ now my turn to go buy them *looks at wishlist.. and why does he bump into so many of his friends o_o haha I realise I am more anti-social then ever.. aigoo! then end up at foodcourt sit and drink easyway.. and go hoooome, dad pick me up from station.. as usual, too..

I have a PLAN, must finish that half of the geography assignment tonight.. I can't wait until this is all over, until the summer holidays! but so much stands between me and the summer holidays at the moment.. I SHALL FIGHT THROUGH IT.. the whole 4 months of it!

aza aza fighting!

started with 2 simple words in the corner an old RSL club dancefloor . . .

' let's hug '

but has evolved into something much more . . .

Write down what you want to say to ten people, but never will. Don't write their names, leave it anonymous and never speak of it again.

1. We used to talk a reasonable amount, many people laugh when I said I talked to you, they don't like you and think you're a 'tryhard', I don't know, I see past that. I released a lot of my stress and anger and so forth to you for a period of time a while ago.. that made us kinda close, too.. but why did you tell me you have feelings for me? aiya, make things kinda awkward now.. we have amazingly a lot of random fights, I think cos I just release my pissy self to you sometimes.. too bad we don't really talk anymore..

2. I'm happy to you have had you as a friend, the times that we spent together made me look forward to something everyday, I actually had someone remotely close to a close friend, well at least I considered you as one, we spent so much time together, we did everything together for a lot of last year. Thankyou thankyou thankyou for everything. Now we're drifted apart due to schoolwork and whatnot, and we had a small misunderstanding earlier this year, but that's the only one, and it was tiny I didn't think about it that much. I'll never forget you, we'll always keep in touch yeah? STUDY HARD! ^____^

3. I don't know why I didn't try harder to fight back-- my memories with you were short and bad and I'm happy with never talking to you again. I think you have to change yourself to succeed in your life; Stop thinking that you're the hottest person on earth, stop being so self-obsessed, ditch your mirror for a bit and work a little harder for what you want-- It'll do you good, trust me. I'm not suprised to hear that you lost both your job and your girlfriend, actually, I think you deserved it.

4. You're very manipulative with multiple personalities, I used to think that was okay, because you were always so nice to me. But I've realised that that doesn't matter, some things that you do and say to others are so cruel.. and the reasons, or excuses, that you use to support your actions are invalid and most of the time TOTALLY immature. No one really knows why you are this way, they think you're weird, I think you're weird.. you're weird, buddy. Hope you notice that one day.

5. You've become such a strange person under the influence of person 4. You used to be so nice, so neutral.. darling, what happened? What is she doing to you? We're all wondering that now.. we all liked it how you were before.. on the other hand, we don't dislike you because we know you're being badly influenced, you can't turn your back on her, and sometimes, for her own strange reasons, she neglects you for 'the other girl'.. and it's completely cruel of her to do so, please don't stay quiet when stuff like that happens, it will only eat you up inside..

6. You were the most important person to me for a long period of time. Actually you were almost everything to me, and the funny thing is, I am not sure why. Thankyou for everything you have given me, I believe that when staying with another, there's no need for too many demands, loving one another needless too many reasons. If truly loved and cared, it’s already enough, there's no need to justify once owned or belonging forever. I believe you truly cared for me, you truly liked me, although our relationship was rather strange.

We shared so many simple and sweet memories, they're so vivid in my mind. I remember our very first meeting very close to 2 years ago.. you gave me the impression of such a bad hardcore boy! And then the actual time we started talking, it was swearing.. haha, but then I kinda spent a while talking to you properly.. then stopped talking for several months..

When we started talking again, this time.. we both fell, you gave me my nickname and you stole your webcam off your friend to webcam with me like everyday! ^___^ I went to watch your graduation from high school, I met your friends, we sat in the library writing notes to eachother, we had our retarded fight.. we took a walk to solve things, we ended up solving it without talking, I wonder if we should've talked it though, hugged.. or was keeping away like this right? and we ended with a kiss on the cheek admist the chaos of NYD celebrations in the city..

Sorry for being so insecure and depressing during that time. But it's all over now, we both have to move on with our lives.. when I heard you say that you can't help it if I can't get over you, I felt sad, but it's true.. I know you want me to remove my feelings for you completely, and I don't think I ever can-- but I cannot cry about you anymore.. I can't..

But at the moment, the truth is, when I still think back on everything, it still seems so close, and I feel so much pain and so much happiness. But now, let's be good friends, we will catch up once in a while, and you can't completely barr me okay? haha (: you made such an impression on me, and I wonder if I made one on yours, you've taught me many things, and I have a feeling I'll never, ever forget you for the rest of my life..

7. You've been a friend since year7. So many people are suprised when I tell them we're not really that close at all though, even though I tell you many things going on in my life, I only tell you briefly, and I don't think you truly understand the situations.. because we're in different worlds.. you don't experience the things I do.. and so forth.. but regardless, you're just so nice to me.. I have to thank you! Always doing things for me that I know a lot of others wouldn't do for their own friends, no matter how close.

8. I really like you.. and I feel so lucky to have you with me now.. sometimes I am afraid I will lose you because you are such a perfect person, if a finer girl comes along and wants to take your love away, I wonder if you will leave.. but I'm starting to think that less, I'm becoming less insecure, I think, and beginning to trust more..

Thankyou for sticking by me though all the things that have happened so far, it's amazing how you still told me you liked me when I was still emotionally attached to my first, still trusted me enough to give your feelings to me and I apologise for being so emotional somtimes, so crazy, so unpredictable.. it's because there's so much going through my mind.. I think wayyy too much, so much I cannot even start to explain..

Sorry I make you feel so insecure sometimes.. I just want to tell you the truth. Also.. just want to tell you that I will NEVER leave you for another person (:

I can't wait to spend more time with you, do more things together.. create memories that will last our lifetime..


Only 8 people.. and I also don't think I did it properly.. some of these things I would tell people if I got the chance.. haha, omg some people are going to guess who's who.. BUT remember (; you might be wrong haha..

I'VE SEEN BETTER DAYS
I'VE BEEN BROUGHT DOWN ON MY KNEES
PLEASE JUST SEE ME THROUGH TIL THE END..

please just see me through, til the end..

so I am home alone at the moment, there is nothing to do, so I might as well blog.

nothing really happen recently, on friday it rained sooo much, but we still went to the city? jee.. watch people play pool cos I am too noob to play, just walked around.. went to k for 5mins.. tried not to get wet.. sit around with Roger's friends.. then watched Click with him.. what a creepy movie.. but it looks so funny.. D: anyway, some parts are super super sad too!

I have to say a big HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO VICKY and sorry I didn't end up staying for much of k, but I must say, you should've told me who were coming.. seriously..

yup, yesterday I had work and it was very very tiring, I wasn't in the mood to work at all..

and today, home all day so far, I'm not sure if Cindy is better yet (: have to give her a call later to ask if our lesson is on today.. that's it and my weekend will be gone!

oh oh and HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO CHONG for today!

things due in the next couple of weeks..
* PE group assignment (written) due 11th Aug
* geograpahy assignment due 15th Aug
* history oral task due 16th Aug
* commerce assignment due 22nd Aug

how exciting..

~ hello all ^^ hope every1 is well la... im so bored at uni... in computer labs once agen playing games... its 330 atm and hav no idea what im doing the rest of 2day... [finishes now 7-8]... well ended up watching 'click' n like daisy sed... surprisingly sad, so strange the movie seemlessly went from happy comedy to aweful tragedy...

also stuck around with vicky n other ppl... bumped into old tuition frend jeffery... went K stayed a second so dwang culd entertain then left... iono jus didnt want 2 stay for som reason... so we left n met up withs jerry n steeve... waiting for peter 2 finish his maccas shift so they culd get a free feed hahaha love dem guys...

yeh this is the part where daisy n i watched 'click', mmm afterwards daisy shouted me subway yumyum mmm walked around a bit n got the train with daisy 2 parra... eventful night i must say...

neways... uni presentation 2moro... im presenting my 'graffiti' inspiration... should b a breeze... hehe mayb but prolly c daisy 2 in the arvo... cnt wait ! ~

laters peeps =] nitenite

does the song annoy you? well, I JUST THINK IT'S SO PRETTY! but I'm sure it'll start annoying me soon, when it does, I'll take it off..

the only thing today was that I did my Chemistry topic test today, which I was meant to do last week.. it was okay-- I'm positive I got 1 question wrong though.. drawing P4?! I'm SOO stupid.

well another thing-- subject choices are due in tomorrow-- damn this year is passing so damn quick, I don't even have time to BREATHE. I still remember not long ago, the year11s were stressing about the same thing, but now they're all decided on what to write on their yr12 jerseys.. time flies faster every year..

YUP I SHALL PUT PUT IN A SCROLL-BAR FOR THE TAGBOARD TOMORROW, YEAH? hehe, I'm off to do some work, bye!