Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Suddenly feel like blogging here again.. after so long.

Can't sleep, reading an old friend's blog that goes back a few years. A trigger for so many memories from past 5 or so years. Memories are so sweet.. so powerful. They were just playing like a film in my mind right now.....Nostalgia...<3

I used to keep a record..kinda like a small journal of what I do day to day. Reading it would bring back most of what I did those days.. but I've slacked off this year.. I haven't kept any record for a while now, there will be holes in my memories. But that's okay.. hmm maybe thinking about starting again. Maybe next year, 2009 will be just be a blank lol, except for a few days that are....hard to forget. hahaha.

This year has gone by so quick, before we know it. It's going to be NYE again.. the best night of every year. Sigh... right now I just feel like going back, being so carefree and naive.. having a reunion with the people in my past. But everything has changed.....

And in a few years time. I'll be looking back on today.. All has become memories.

That's life.

I think I went a bit crazy today. Really. So fucking frustrated about everything. Some people are so so so stubborn, so stupid, think of only themselves. Made me super super annoyed, and then I didn't even want to go and do anything. I COULDN'T. I broke a few things. Want to just close my eyes and get away from everything. I went outside and actually yelled, so loudly. ANYWAY.

Last night was graduation, our group probably the only group in the grade that didn't really cry. Well, except Hana.. who cried so much I think her eyes might be swollen today..

Anyway, what I need to do by tomorrow:
x Send email
x Clean room: more procrastination
x Filing *
x Tutorial and 2 exams
x 3 repeats

My plans never work out, recently.

Anyway, that's about it.. going to eat a few things then rest. Have to wake up tomorrow.

~~

CONFRONTATION
CONFRONTATION
CONFRONTATION

trust me to collect 3 of them, wth

People like you, who constantly attack my weaknesses
Will only eventually make me stronger

hello hello~

Life is so retarded! I don't know what to do, so confused.

Oh well, anyway.. Last night, I wrote down what I needed to do today. So far, I haven't done anything.. If I don't do them, I'm seriously going to think of a way to punish myself. My will-power has become so weak, how sad.

Update: SKY LOST MY HOMEWORKS. So now I have to redo them, all 5 of them ):

Sigh, so much to do, and I don't know where to start, and how to start =.=

SIIIGHHHH. Better do my yearbook page, now!

Life's been interesting recently, though not in the good way- oh well, I'll live I suppose.

I'm annoyed at the moment. I missed Assessment #3 and had to do it the day after, and I supposedly "failed to provide documentation regarding misadventure after several requests to do so"- quote by my chemistry teacher, when she didn't mention anything at all, ever. And the form is just in my old folder somewhere, forgotten about, but attached to the medical certificate and done. She sent those warning letters home, I suppose she just has a grudge against me, because "Daisy has failed to attend Friday morning classes since the middle of Term 2"-which is every fortnight, and might be true. But still, annoying. I don't go because she teaches me nothing; I know how to read, and if I want photocopied sheets to do I'll just photocopy my own textbooks and do them, thanks. Parents have signed it, I'm not going to sign it unless I'm forced to tomorrow.

Anyway, today Jan took me to doctor. The doctor I usually see wasn't there, so saw another. Then drove around Canley Vale. Went back to Parra to eat, then to the river side, which was really nice but cold. Did nothing much after and then I went home. Blah.

I've been sleeping at 3-4:30am these days. Sigh, not studying though. Oh well, anyway. I can't wait until Friday afternoon! Hopefully my mind can be put to rest by then, hopefully. Going out with Melinda, so excited! ^^

And hopefully people find the homeworks that I lent Sky, they dissappeared from my pidgeon hole. Gahh.. hopefully.. I want them back, sigh.

Talked to Rosie the other night, about a few things, too. Felt pretty relieved after. <3

"..if you haven't got confidence in yourself how in the hell can you expect other people to have confidence in you? What is you know really is off putting is where you see people sort of being an excessively proud or seem to be very proud about things that they've got no reason to be proud about and I mean I think it's very silly to be proud or boast about your intellect and you can be born with a squiggly ear or a crooked nose or fine intellect and you didn't have any bloody thing to do with it. You were born with it. What your responsibility is what you're born with is to nurture it and make the most of it." - Bob Hawke

Today, I didn't go to school
I got woken up at 5am, due to girl.. pains
Hurt crazy crazy bad, woke everyone else up
Even cried.. stupid..

Oh well, so I slept til midday and did nothing after

I have an exam at 4:30......

I was thinking..
My friend said I treat him like a little boy
And he'd get angry/annoyed when I do
But I.. don't?
I hate it when I don't know the problem
So I can't fix it

Now, I feel so awkward and unhappy

Need to take a pill, so I don't die in pain in the exam

3:16am
Why is life this way?
Feeling so fucking empty at the moment
Noone to depend on
Noone to share thoughts with
Noone to share pain and happiness with
What I'm afraid of most

Even starting to physically hurt myself again

I'm sorry for everything I've done
Please just give me my life back
The life I had only less than a month ago

Please?

So, nothing much has happened recently.. I watched an interview with Bob Hawkes on ABC1 last night. His words are really wise, I should've taped it, or something.

Also, I have really extreme moodswings. Have to do my scheduled tasks now!

A: This smells soo good >_< I can relax~~~
B: ..........

I can't describe how I feel at the moment. I just want to do somthing to vent everything that's inside me. Too bad I don't have the tools to make myself feel better at the moment.

I can't stand this feeling. I feel like I'm going to go insane.

Why WHY THE FUCK am I like this?

Anyway, Happy 19 months, Jan~

I just turned my computer back on to type this. I'm blind. The keyboard is a big blur, the screen is another blur. Let's see how my typing skills are, yeah? I'll find out tomorrow.

Hope that I can get to sleep. Last night didn't sleep til 3 hours after I got into bed.

BY THE WAY. WHY DO I HAVE TO FIND THINGs OUT THIS WAY? I'M ASKING YOU, GUY WHO'S IN THAILAND. I THOUGHT WE SHARED EVERYTHING. INSTEAD, I FELT LIK E A RETARD., GOING THROUGH EMBARRaSSING WAYS. TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU. There's a reason I'm like this, after all. Bingo.

I am really STUPID.


(TT______TT)

hello there~

It's 1-something am and I'm bored.. kinda used to sleeping at 2am these days, so I don't really want to get ready to sleep until then. Have about 5 tuition homework booklets and two Biology Independent Trial papers in front of me that I've yet to finish. Why the hell am I complaining about boredom when there's work to do?!! I'm so not motivated and extremely lazy.....

At about 1-2pm in the afternoon, I'm always thinking I have so much time until I have to sleep! I have so much time to do work.. but I never do anything by the end of the day. @@ So good at procrastinating, seriously.

Mm.. anyway, it's really strange.. even when I get enough sleep, but I'm always tired. I'd always want to fall asleep while watching TV at about 4-5 in the afternoon. Is it because of low blood pressure? Does is affect people that much?!

Jan is neglecting me at the moment. No msn replies, no sms replies, and I don't know where the cordless phone is.. don't want to go looking for it downstairs (so DARK), so I cannot call, also. Mmm.. he's probably picking up some girl at some dodgy place at the moment. pppfffssss

&@;#*I'm so frustrated! =.= Maybe the result of staying home all day for 2 days in a row now. I should go out tomorrow, force myself to visit tuition to hand in homeworks.. then go shopping.. walk around.. do SOMETHING. And shall be out thursday too, I think. In some ways, I can't wait until November/December; hopefully the direction I'll be heading will be clear by then. I just want to start another section of my life and leave this one behind. Nothing's going to change until then, and if there is a change, it'd be for the worse. WANT TO FORWARD WIND!

Jan's still neglecting me.

LALALAA.. oh my god. I NEED TO CLEAN MY ROOM/COMPUTER DESK. I've been telling myself to do it for over a week, attempted a couple of times.. I have to do it. I can't even sleep in my room anymore, I feel so.. caustraphobic, and the mess makes my mind feel cluttered. So now I sleep on a super comfy sofa in front of TV. Hahahaha.. but it's comfortable!

What else do I need to do. Oh been telling myself to place in an order for clothes online, too. On that note, have to pay Annie back for clothing ordered on Zipia a couple of weeks back. Probably envelope it into her mailbox to her mum or something... after I tell her! Have to do that before holidays end, too.. or during trials.. something..

My contacts are drying up, from staring at the computer screen. I hate it, so annoying.

I wish I were more organised, and I think I've lost my amazing willpower that I used to have. I wish I had that now too. Must get it back, soon.. somehow.

So so so so sleeptime soon, tomorrow (today?) I must:
1. Wake up somewhat early, might prevent strange dreams
2. Place in order for clothing
3. Do chemistry homework
4. GO OUT
5. Clean room/desk/floor!
6. Photocopy and do Biology trial papers

Do-able. So I better do it.

Mm.. hope today will be a better day than yesterday.

Retarded random and messy post. You're probably really bored if you're still reading..

Goodnight then

Taking a risk is often your first step towards success.

If you don't take some risks, you won't get the chance to succeed.
While you are trying, you are winning.

The law of averages is on your side.
The more you try, the greater your chance of succeeding.
Never get discouraged.

Every wrong attempt is another step forward.
People that make no mistakes usually don't make anything.

Make up your mind not merely to overcome a thousand obstacles,
but to win in spite of a thousand defeats.

Your mistakes are stepping stones to success and
your installment payments to victory.

You can't be a winner and be afraid to lose

Wow I've been blogging everyday.. I guess it's because I have noone to talk to.. and nothing to do when not studying... which is quite often.

I'm annoyed at about 100 things about myself at the moment. I was just typing them all out in an attempt to sort out my thoughts out manually, but I was up to about 15 and then I gave up.. while trying to put one of them into words. I guess I wouldn't've typed all of it truthfully anyway, because I'm sure some of things I'm annoyed at would sound too stupid and embarrassing to reveal.

So/Also, I'm getting into this uncontrollable habit again. This stupid OCD I had is coming back to me. It's really crazy. I don't even want to describe what it's like because it'll sound.. REALLY wierd. It's sooo annoying, and my mind can't fight it away. I have to somehow forget about it. I think it started in year 3-4 years ago. It makes my head hurt from thinking, thinking, thinking. I thought I completely got over it, until now.
FUCKING HELLLLLL.

I used to write books and books of useless things before. I read some of it when I (thought) I was over it, and they sounded so...... gah, so retarded. I chucked them all out. (*#&@*&#(*@73

I'm starting to get insomnia, too.

MY HEAD HURTS.

AHHHH! I just want to be happy....

I'LL BE ALRIGHT!

Have to clean my room and computer desk, all these notes/paper/books everywhere.. so hard to sort because some things don't have dates on them. Now I need to blowdry Mimi.

Okay, I'm really screwed up. I hate myself so so so much.

Why is it that you're never there for me?
You never even make an effort to be there for me
It's one of the few things that I can't get myself to get used to..

I'm just not strong enough

I'm webcamming with Jan at the moment. Gah, I miss him so much!

HEHEHE <3 Sigh, I feel like a little girl..... Well, I'm going to sleep now. So tired.. and I guess I need to study hard tomorrow!

Goodnight!

I'll just keep telling myself that I'll be alright.

I feel.. that everything is pointless
that everything is so bland, and life is rather not worth all this trouble
I feel like.. I can't be bothered with anything
I feel.. empty cold and so alone..
and so helpless..

I would love to turn back time and pause..

I haven't felt this properly for so long.. more than a year or so.... and I'm not used to it anymore.....

FUCKKK.

Apparantly, it might be just withdrawal symptoms.. Jan is on the plane at the moment about 7.5 hours away from me.. and I've been staring at his photo all day.. knowing I won't see him for many weeks.. like some love sick retard

I really don't know

I can't concentrate on anything at the moment

FUCKING HELLWHATTHEFUCK is wrong with people these days!?!! SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.. fucking pissed off.. cannot live this way man.. I just want to AHH! this is what fucking happens when you are used to depending on someone.. when they're not there for you for some reason, you are forced to deal with everything by yourself.. and in my case, survival rate is slim

hello people!

long time no post on my blog..... hope everyone's cheerful these days! ^^

nothing much has been happening I guess.. I got sick for the 3rd time this year, with the flu instead of the cold this time, though.. and other than that I've just been schooling.....

it is very boring and very very very tiring, waking up in the morning is very hard.. and also, my body has been feeling weak all the time

I looked in my diary today, and I think I broke all my new year resolutions for this year.. and I thought they were pretty easily achievable....... sigh I am very bad aren't I..

ahh.. anyway.. I don't have much to say, maybe blog again soon!

sorry for the pathetic update

night <3

with every single person supporting you.. and caring for you..
loving you..

have you ever felt that the only person who wasn't on your side, was yourself?

It's 12:20am.. I have Bio to study for Ket tomorrow.. and I'm here blogging =_= what the fucck.

WELL, It was Jan's 20th Birthday last Friday.. and so we went out to eat and blah. And, on this rare occasion, I brought my camera! So I have photos to blog for once!

Merh.

Doootdoot..

FUJIYA. Maybe I'm stupid, but I thought Seoul Ria was Fujiya before =_= When I went to the actual Fujia this time, I insisted to Jan that they had a renovation!....................... We made a bet of $10, and I lost it. I feel so... stupid.

Jan can't wink.

Cake I bought for Jan, since it was just the two of us, I decided to not get a plain one-flavoured cake, but made the Breadtop people arrange slices in a cake for me. Girl who served me was like o_o... I can't do it *grabs another girl*..... what's so hard about making a circle =_=;

LOVE ^3^

Wish may possibly come true as he blew them all out at once. There weren't 20 candles though. I thought it'd look cluttered.. just one on each slice (:

Eyes are half-closed, and I look drugged and yucky.. But Jan looks preeety in this picture so I decided to keep it!

kisskisskisskiss!

Well, it's late now.... I must attempt to study. Or I'll wake up early tomorrow to study.

GREETINGS :D

Long time no post I know.. hope everyone's been well. Holidays just started for me, how exciting.. have so much work to do.... ;_;

Don't think holidays will be so exciting, but it's better than school I guess. Weather's so fucking cold. Its only autumn...... @#^!@ hate being cold....

Today I have to finish my yearbook page, think it was due yesterday... but I don't know what to put on it, seriously. Have to clean my room and computer desk thing.. which is hard cos there's shit everywhere.. was meant to do it yesterday but I kept putting it off... -_-; Andd... online clothing shopping yayy! ^^

MUSTN'T PUT THESE OFF FOR ANY LONGER! DIES.

ANYWAY, going to eat.. hungry!

BYEEE.

what's with people these days.. seriously..
so stupid and with a child-like attitude, but they think they're so smart and so mature

or maybe I'm just talking to the wrong people

Fuck that

Why give another chance for?
Nothing's ever acknowledged or appreciated..

Nothing.

I gave you another chance.. Your words sounded like they were from your heart, but in fact they were empty.
You never keep your word.

It seems I'm up at 2:30am doing nothing, right?

Reminder:
"The HSC more accurately measures how hard you work, rather than your level of intelligence."

..............
SIGH.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Been kind of alright lately......
Haven't been doing too much, should study twice as much as I currently do..
Feeling stressed. Getting headaches all the time, and haven't been to see doctor yet.

14th February was a busy day, even though I didn't go to school. Made Strawberry Cheesecake for Jan! Melinda came to help speed up the process, cos I also had to go to Burwood to get my braces off. I failed the night before, though.. didn't beat the eggs enough ):

Yup, ended up meeting Jan at 6pm~ went to City, and ate! Then went to watch Jumper, which was alright, and bum around as usual. Was a happy day but tiring day..

Thankyou to Mel for helping me, and thankyou to Jan!

Got our assessment timetable: so I'm currently worried about english, maths and eco..

=_=..........

not good enough

Hello there~
Hope everyone's well!

School started last Wednesday and I'm already pretty tired! How am I going to survive the rest of this year??

Only been schooling/tuition since school started.

I've been getting headaches pretty often recently.. feel nauseous a lot, but I'm not too sure why...

Going to see a doctor hopefully this weekend..

):

Feel so unwell, so stressed, so unhappy.....

Sighs......

Hope everything will turn out alright...

TIRED. *@&^#(!&^@#&@#! Whatever.....

I had a good day though.
I made pasta and then double choc cookies with lover.

This is Didi, lover's dog! So cute, wearing my key necklace :3

Daisy Street, Chatswood.
No good pictures of lover. Next time folks!

Being emo at Epping yesterday. Thinking about many things that happened in the past that makes me sad, makes me want to go back and live in the past. Then finally snap out of it and take a picture! In such a ............. mood atm.
BUT THANKYOU TO MY LOVER FOR A GREAT DAY.

Been doing nothing. Went to City yesterday for dentist appt. and then went shopping by myself buying clothes. Today visit ortho at Burwood early in the morning.. then go home =_=; Taking braces off soon, hopefully. But teeth still feel in an awkward position, seriously felt better like a year ago. Hope ortho will understand me and fix it.. ):):

Yah that's about it.. haven't been studying much. No mood lately. I don't know why, I feel like I've changed so much during the past year.. I'm having thoughts I wouldn't normally have, feelings I wouldn't normally feel.

...

Anyway, took a couple of photos a few minutes ago. So bored. Edited it so you can't see my face clearly, which is a good thing for you guys :D Thank me.

And this is from a while ago. Love him :3

Been busy recently. Spent every day shopping/eating at different places with family friends. Spent much $$. They left on the morning of the 12th. Miss them already, and it's so quiet without them.

There's only 2 weeks left of the holidays...... OMG. Can't wait til post HSC ;_;

Oh well..............

I don't really have anything to blog about.

Have to go cook lunch now. Then get ready to go tuition.. have to train it there. =_=; I am soo lazy.

*****
I'll suffocate without you.